文書是美本申請(qǐng)中至關(guān)重要的一環(huán)，也是很多同學(xué)在申請(qǐng)過(guò)程中最頭疼的一項(xiàng)。每年，哈佛大學(xué)校報(bào)（Crimson）都會(huì)公布10篇優(yōu)秀的新生文書，為申請(qǐng)者提供參考。
隨著2023屆申請(qǐng)季開始，同學(xué)們陸續(xù)進(jìn)入了主文書的構(gòu)思和寫作階段。為此，智友留學(xué)為大家整理了哈佛大學(xué)最新發(fā)布的優(yōu)秀文書及專家點(diǎn)評(píng)，一起來(lái)看看吧！
Successful Harvard Essay:
Homeless for Thirteen Years
I sat on my parents’ bed weeping with my head resting on my knees. “Why did you have to do that to me? Why did you have to show me the house and then take it away from me?” Hopelessly, I found myself praying to God realizing it was my last resort.
For years, my family and I found ourselves moving from country to country in hopes of a better future. Factors, such as war and lack of academic opportunities, led my parents to pack their bags and embark on a new journey for our family around the world. Our arduous journey first began in Ku?ov?, Albania, then Athens, Greece, and then eventually, Boston, Massachusetts. Throughout those years, although my family always had a roof over our heads, I never had a place I could call “home.”
That night that I prayed to God, my mind raced back to the night I was clicking the delete button on my e-mails, but suddenly stopped when I came upon a listing of the house. It was September 22, 2007 —eight years exactly to the day that my family and I had moved to the United States. Instantly, I knew that it was fate that was bringing this house to me. I remembered visiting that yellow house the next day with my parents and falling in love with it. However, I also remembered the heartbreaking phone call I received later on that week saying that the owners had chosen another family’s offer.
A week after I had prayed to God, I had given up any hopes of my family buying the house. One day after school, I unlocked the door to our one-bedroom apartment and walked over to the telephone only to see it flashing a red light. I clicked PLAY and unexpectedly heard the voice of our real estate agent. “Eda!” she said joyfully. “The deal fell through with the other family—the house is yours! Call me back immediately to get started on the papers.” For a moment, I stood agape and kept replaying the words in my head. Was this really happening to me? Was my dream of owning a home finally coming true?
Over the month of November, I spent my days going to school and immediately rushing home to make phone calls. Although my parents were not fluent enough in English to communicate with the bank and real estate agent, I knew that I was not going to allow this obstacle to hinder my dream of helping to purchase a home for my family. Thus, unlike a typical thirteen-year-old girl’s conversations, my phone calls did not involve the mention of makeup, shoes, or boys. Instead, my conversations were composed of terms, such as “fixed-rate mortgages,” “preapprovals,” and “down payments.” Nevertheless, I was determined to help purchase this home after thirteen years of feeling embarrassed from living in a one-bedroom apartment. No longer was I going to experience feelings of humiliation from not being able to host sleepovers with my friends or from not being able to gossip with girls in school about who had the prettiest room color.
I had been homeless for the first thirteen years of my life. Although I will never be able to fully repay my parents for all of their sacrifices, the least I could do was to help find them a home that they could call their own—and that year, I did. To me, a home means more than the general conception of “four walls and a roof.” A home is a place filled with memories and laughter from my family. No matter where my future may lead me, I know that if at times I feel alone, I will always have a yellow home with my family inside waiting for me.
誠(chéng)實(shí)的、令人心碎的、強(qiáng)大的。
這是我們閱讀Eda的文書后，首先想到的三個(gè)詞。
我們喜歡Eda的文書的地方在于，它有令人耳目一新的脆弱性。太多的申請(qǐng)文書“太”完美了，而Eda不會(huì)扭曲真相，即使承認(rèn)她的內(nèi)心想法可能會(huì)給她帶來(lái)負(fù)面的印象。例如，她以她在父母床上哭泣的場(chǎng)景開始整篇文書，并將自己的不幸歸咎于他們。通過(guò)如此誠(chéng)實(shí)的描述，Eda展示了她隨著時(shí)間的推移，得到真正的成長(zhǎng)。
在整篇文書中，她的個(gè)人聲音也很強(qiáng)烈。當(dāng)她談到愛上“那棟黃色的房子”時(shí)，我們腦海中會(huì)自動(dòng)浮現(xiàn)出這棟房子的形象；當(dāng)她談到得知“那棟黃色房子”被賣給另一個(gè)家庭時(shí)所經(jīng)歷的心碎時(shí)，我們也感到心痛。她故意選擇“播放”發(fā)送給她的語(yǔ)音郵件，隨后展示了她的真實(shí)想法，這進(jìn)一步促使我們與她一起重溫她的經(jīng)歷。
然而，她不僅僅分享了她的經(jīng)歷，還強(qiáng)調(diào)了這段經(jīng)歷是多么不尋常。她沒有和其他13歲同齡女生一樣閑聊化妝品或鞋子，而是與房產(chǎn)中介談?wù)摴潭ɡ省?/span>抵押貸款和首付……雖然她沒有明確說(shuō)明這一點(diǎn)（她不需要這樣做）：很明顯，Eda不得不快速成長(zhǎng)，成為一個(gè)更強(qiáng)大的人。
她對(duì)“家”這個(gè)詞的理解，從她頭頂上物理意義的屋頂演變?yōu)楦橄蟮奈蓓敗＜遥褪撬摹盎貞浐蜌g笑”所在的地方。最后，她接受了父母做出的犧牲，并學(xué)會(huì)為自己的成長(zhǎng)感到自豪。
Eda是一個(gè)能夠克服任何挑戰(zhàn)的人，這使她從眾多申請(qǐng)者中脫穎而出。
Successful Harvard Essay: Yukta
Garishly lined with a pearlescent lavender, my eyes idly scanned the haphazard desk in front of me, settling on a small kohl. I packed the ebony powder into my waterline with a shaky hand, wincing at the fine specks making their way into my eyes.
The girl in the mirror seemed sharper, older, somehow. At only 12, I was relatively new to the powders and blushes that lined my birthday makeup kit, but I was determined to decipher the deep splashes of color that had for so long been an enigma to me.
After school involved self-inflicted solitary confinement, as I shut myself in my bedroom to hone my skills. The palette’s colors bore in, the breadth of my imagination interwoven into now-brittle brushes. Much to my chagrin, my mom walked in one day, amused at my smudged lipstick, which congealed on the wispy hairs that lined my upper lip.
“Halloween already?” she asked playfully.
I flushed in embarrassment as she got to work, smoothing my skin with a brush and filling the gaps in my squiggly liner. Becoming a makeup aficionado was going to take some help.
“What’s this even made of?” I asked, transfixed by the bright powder she was smattering on my cheeks.
“You know, I’m not sure,” she murmured. “Maybe you should find out.”
Hours down the internet rabbit hole, I learned that the shimmery powder was made of mica, a mineral commonly used in cosmetics. While the substance was dazzling, its production process was steeped in humanitarian violations and environmental damage. Determined to reconcile my burgeoning love for makeup with my core values, I flung the kit into the corner of my drawer, vowing to find a more sustainable alternative. Yes, I was every bit as dramatic as you imagine it.
Now 17, I approach ethical makeup with assured deliberation. As I glance at my dusty kit, which still sits where I left it, I harken back on the journey it has taken me on. Without the reckoning that it spurred, makeup would still simply be a tool of physical transformation, rather than a catalyst of personal growth.
Now, each swipe of eyeliner is a stroke of my pen across paper as I write a children’s book about conscious consumerism. My flitting fingers programmatically place sparkles, mattes, and tints across my face in the same way that they feverishly move across a keyboard, watching algorithms and graphs integrate into models of supply chain transparency. Makeup has taught me to be unflinching, both in self expression and my expectations for the future. I coat my lips with a bold sheen, preparing them to form words of unequivocal urgency at global conferences and casual discussions. I see my passion take flight, emboldening others to approach their own reckonings, uncomfortable as they may be. I embark on a two-year journey of not buying new clothes in a statement against mass consumption and rally youth into a unified organization. We stand together, picking at the gritty knots of makeup, corporate accountability, and sustainability as they slowly unravel.
I’m not sure why makeup transfixes me. Perhaps it’s because I enjoy seeing my reveries take shape. Yukta, the wannabe Wicked Witch of the West, has lids coated with emerald luster and lips of coal. Yukta, the Indian classical dancer, wields thick eyeliner and bright crimson lipstick that allow her expressions to be amplified across a stage. Deep rooted journeys of triumph and tribulation are plastered across the surface of my skin — this paradox excites me.
Perhaps I am also drawn to makeup because as I peel back the layers, I am still wholly me. I am still the young girl staring wide-eyed at her reflection, earnestly questioning in an attempt to learn more about the world. Most importantly, I still carry an unflagging vigor to coalesce creativity and activism into palpable change, one brushstroke at a time.
這個(gè)學(xué)生通過(guò)一個(gè)像化妝品一樣常見的家庭用品，展開了獨(dú)特且接受度高的敘述。這個(gè)物品被賦予在她個(gè)人和文化身份的方方面面，使讀者能夠立即了解到這個(gè)學(xué)生的個(gè)性。她通過(guò)對(duì)周圍環(huán)境的觀察，帶我們走進(jìn)她的世界，并在不偏離主題的情況下，講述了一段成長(zhǎng)的故事。
這位學(xué)生在敘事性和創(chuàng)造性寫作元素之間取得了平衡，而這正是成功的個(gè)人陳述所不可或缺的。作者讓我們瞥見了她多年來(lái)的個(gè)人發(fā)展，將化妝作為自我反省和發(fā)現(xiàn)的媒介。她巧妙地利用化妝品系列的顏色和元素，展開了生動(dòng)的描述。她對(duì)于意象的靈活運(yùn)用也成為這篇文書成功的關(guān)鍵。她利用一個(gè)很容易與消費(fèi)主義、“膚淺”聯(lián)系在一起的物品，來(lái)支持她所倡導(dǎo)的社會(huì)和道德的斗爭(zhēng)。
我們還看到，這篇文書的作者有一個(gè)明確的聲音。當(dāng)許多學(xué)生試圖通過(guò)各種各樣的描寫來(lái)提升寫作水平時(shí)，這位作者能夠操縱一種充滿活力的寫作風(fēng)格，并保持吸引力、節(jié)奏和分寸。通過(guò)這篇文書的每一個(gè)字，我們了解到作者關(guān)心什么：有意識(shí)的消費(fèi)主義、創(chuàng)造力和行動(dòng)主義；我們也了解到她是如何思考的：好奇、無(wú)私，并帶有女權(quán)主義色彩。
作者在這篇文書的開頭采用了一個(gè)文書寫作的成功策略，即用豐富的形容詞詳細(xì)描述了一個(gè)小的場(chǎng)景，并對(duì)本人及其在社會(huì)中的地位給出更廣義的評(píng)論。最后，這名學(xué)生的文書對(duì)自己的申請(qǐng)形象進(jìn)行了補(bǔ)充，幫助讀者了解她多年以來(lái)的倡議、可持續(xù)性實(shí)踐、以及她想要為身邊的人帶來(lái)積極的影響。
Successful Harvard Essay:
Beauty in Complexity
Gazing up at the starry sky, I see Cygnus, Hercules, and Pisces, remnants of past cultures. I listen to waves crash on the beach, the forces of nature at work. Isn’t it odd how stars are flaming spheres and electrical impulses make beings sentient? The very existence of our world is a wonder; what are the odds that this particular planet developed all the necessary components, parts that all work in unison, to support life? How do they interact? How did they come to be? I thought back to how my previously simplistic mind-set evolved this past year.
At Balboa, juniors and seniors join one of five small learning communities, which are integrated into the curriculum. Near the end of sophomore year, I ranked my choices: Law Academy first—it seemed the most prestigious—and WALC, the Wilderness Arts and Literacy Collaborative, fourth. So when I was sorted into WALC, I felt disappointed at the inflexibility of my schedule and bitter toward my classes. However, since students are required to wait at least a semester before switching pathways, I stayed in WALC. My experiences that semester began shifting my ambition-oriented paradigm to an interest-oriented one. I didn’t switch out.
Beyond its integrated classes, WALC takes its students on trips to natural areas not only to build community among its students, but also to explore complex natural processes and humanity’s role in them. Piecing these lessons together, I create an image of our universe. I can visualize the carving of glacial valleys, the creation and gradation of mountains by uplift and weathering, and the transportation of nutrients to and from ecosystems by rivers and salmon. I see these forces on the surface of a tiny planet rotating on its axis and orbiting the sun, a gem in this vast universe. Through WALC, I have gained an intimate understanding of natural systems and an addiction to understanding the deep interconnections embedded in our cosmos.
Understanding a system’s complex mechanics not only satisfies my curiosity, but also adds beauty to my world; my understanding of tectonic and gradational forces allows me to appreciate mountains and coastlines beyond aesthetics. By physically going to the place described in WALC’s lessons, I have not only gained the tools to admire these systems, but have also learned to actually appreciate them. This creates a thirst to see more beauty in a world that’s filled with poverty and violence, and a hunger for knowledge to satisfy that thirst. There are so many different systems to examine and dissect—science alone has universal, planetary, molecular, atomic, and subatomic scales to investigate. I hope to be able to find my interests by taking a variety of courses in college, and further humanity’s understanding through research, so that all can derive a deeper appreciation for the complex systems that govern this universe.
Tony的文書以在觀星為開篇，向讀者展示他對(duì)自然界、無(wú)生命體和生命本身的無(wú)限好奇心。這種天真的奇思妙想被藝術(shù)性地呈現(xiàn)出來(lái)，但這篇文書成功的原因是，作者能夠思考深刻的概念而不至于迷失。
故事圍繞一個(gè)看似毫不相干的事情展開：一次隨機(jī)的選擇將Tony分配到荒野藝術(shù)方向，而不是他更喜歡的法律，因此他很痛苦。
我們從他承認(rèn)自己受制于 "以野心為導(dǎo)向的范式"，而不是學(xué)習(xí)他最感興趣的東西中，看到了他的脆弱。然而，通過(guò)文書的其余部分，我們發(fā)現(xiàn)，Tony繼續(xù)學(xué)習(xí)荒野藝術(shù)的決定徹底改變了他。他的視角從“簡(jiǎn)單化思維”轉(zhuǎn)變?yōu)槌撩杂凇袄斫馕覀冇钪嬷械纳顚勇?lián)系”。
Tony的文字中蘊(yùn)含著力量，讓我們看到了他潛在的思想廣度和熱情。從想象 "冰川山谷的雕刻 "，到陶醉于自然系統(tǒng)的復(fù)雜機(jī)制，這篇文書展示了Tony對(duì)整個(gè)世界的贊賞。
觀察到Tony對(duì)生命關(guān)聯(lián)性的知識(shí)渴求，我們更加堅(jiān)信，他不斷廣闊的視角將引導(dǎo)他的學(xué)習(xí)進(jìn)入更多令人興奮的未知領(lǐng)域。
My Ye-Ye always wears a red baseball cap. I think he likes the vivid color—bright and sanguine, like himself. When Ye-Ye came from China to visit us seven years ago, he brought his red cap with him and every night for six months, it sat on the stairway railing post of my house, waiting to be loyally placed back on Ye-Ye’s head the next morning. He wore the cap everywhere: around the house, where he performed magic tricks with it to make my little brother laugh; to the corner store, where he bought me popsicles before using his hat to wipe the beads of summer sweat off my neck. Today whenever I see a red hat, I think of my Ye-Ye and his baseball cap, and I smile.
Ye-Ye is the Mandarin word for “grandfather.” My Ye-Ye is a simple, ordinary person—not rich, not “successful”—but he is my greatest source of inspiration and I idolize him. Of all the people I know, Ye-Ye has encountered the most hardship and of all the people I know, Ye-Ye is the most joyful. That these two aspects can coexist in one individual is, in my mind, truly remarkable.
Ye-Ye was an orphan. Both his parents died before he was six years old, leaving him and his older brother with no home and no family. When other children gathered to read around stoves at school, Ye-Ye and his brother walked in the bitter cold along railroad tracks, looking for used coal to sell. When other children ran home to loving parents, Ye-Ye and his brother walked along the streets looking for somewhere to sleep. Eight years later, Ye-Ye walked alone—his brother was dead.
Ye-Ye managed to survive, and in the meanwhile taught himself to read, write, and do arithmetic. Life was a blessing, he told those around him with a smile.
Years later, Ye-Ye’s job sent him to the Gobi Desert, where he and his fellow workers labored for twelve hours a day. The desert wind was merciless; it would snatch their tent in the middle of the night and leave them without supply the next morning. Every year, harsh weather took the lives of some fellow workers.
After eight years, Ye-Ye was transferred back to the city where his wife lay sick in bed. At the end of a twelve-hour workday, Ye-Ye took care of his sick wife and three young children. He sat with the children and told them about the wide, starry desert sky and mysterious desert lives. Life was a blessing, he told them with a smile.
But life was not easy; there was barely enough money to keep the family from starving. Yet, my dad and his sisters loved going with Ye-Ye to the market. He would buy them little luxuries that their mother would never indulge them in: a small bag of sunflower seeds for two cents, a candy each for three cents. Luxuries as they were, Ye-Ye bought them without hesitation. Anything that could put a smile on the children’s faces and a skip in their steps was priceless.
Ye-Ye still goes to the market today. At the age of seventy-eight, he bikes several kilometers each week to buy bags of fresh fruits and vegetables, and then bikes home to share them with his neighbors. He keeps a small patch of strawberries and an apricot tree. When the fruit is ripe, he opens his gate and invites all the children in to pick and eat. He is Ye-Ye to every child in the neighborhood.
I had always thought that I was sensible and self-aware. But nothing has made me stare as hard in the mirror as I did after learning about the cruel past that Ye-Ye had suffered and the cheerful attitude he had kept throughout those years. I thought back to all the times when I had gotten upset. My mom forgot to pick me up from the bus station. My computer crashed the day before an assignment was due. They seemed so trivial and childish, and I felt deeply ashamed of myself.
Now, whenever I encounter an obstacle that seems overwhelming, I think of Ye-Ye; I see him in his red baseball cap, smiling at me. Like a splash of cool water, his smile rouses me from grief, and reminds me how trivial my worries are and how generous life has been. Today I keep a red baseball cap at the railing post at home where Ye-Ye used to put his every night. Whenever I see the cap, I think of my Ye-Ye, smiling in his red baseball cap, and I smile. Yes, Ye-Ye. Life is a blessing.
Yueming的文書是一篇申請(qǐng)文書的完美范例，它準(zhǔn)確地完成了它應(yīng)該做的事情：它豐富了Yueming的形象，并讓招生委員會(huì)了解到其他申請(qǐng)材料中沒有展現(xiàn)的東西。Yueming用他爺爺?shù)陌羟蛎钡墓适拢蜃x者講述了對(duì)他來(lái)說(shuō)重要的東西，并展示了他獨(dú)特的人格特征。
盡管大部分文本都是專門講述爺爺?shù)膫饔洠@篇文書不僅僅是關(guān)于爺爺?shù)摹敔數(shù)恼麄€(gè)故事是最后幾段的前奏，揭示了Yueming性格中最重要的方面。就像在生活中一樣，我們祖先的過(guò)去是后代歷史的前奏，而后代的歷史還在不斷上演。這種微妙的平行，乍看之下并不明顯，但能讓讀者深刻了解Yueming的個(gè)性，以及他洞察事物本質(zhì)的天賦。
在這篇文書中，Yueming展示了自己從他人經(jīng)驗(yàn)中學(xué)習(xí)的能力，突出了自己的韌性，以及從爺爺那里獲得的積極心態(tài)。這些品質(zhì)對(duì)于未來(lái)的哈佛學(xué)生來(lái)說(shuō)是必不可少的。而且“生活是一種祝福”，這一能力將在校園內(nèi)外都得到展現(xiàn)。
James was not fitting in with everyone else. During lunch, he sat alone, playing with his own toys. During group activities, the other campers always complained when paired with him. What was wrong? As camp counselor, I quietly observed his behavior—nothing out of the ordinary. I just couldn’t fathom why the other campers treated him like a pariah.
After three days of ostracism, James broke down during a game of soccer. Tears streaming down his cheeks, he slumped off the field, head in his hands. I jogged toward him, my forehead creased with concern. Some campers loudly remarked, “Why is that creep crying?” Furious indignation leaped into my heart. They were the ones who “accidentally” bumped into him and called him “James the Freak.” It was their cruelty that caused his meltdown, and now they were mocking him for it. I sharply told them to keep their thoughts to themselves. I squatted beside James and asked him what was wrong. Grunting, he turned his back to me. I had to stop his tears, and I had to make him feel comfortable. So for the next hour, I talked about everything a seven-year-old boy might find interesting, from sports to Transformers.
“I have a question,” I asked as James began to warm to me. I took a deep breath and dove right into the problem. “Why do the other campers exclude you?” Hesitantly, he took off his shoes and socks, and pointed at his left foot. One, two, three … four. He had four toes. We had gone swimming two days before: All the campers must have noticed. I remembered my childhood, when even the smallest abnormality—a bad haircut, a missing tooth—could cause others, including myself, to shrink away. I finally understood.
But what could I do to help? I scoured my mind for the words to settle his demons. But nothing came to me. Impulsively, I hugged him—a gesture of intimacy we camp leaders were encouraged not to initiate, and an act I later discovered no friend had ever offered James before. Then, I put my hand on his shoulder and looked him straight in the eyes. I assured him that external features didn’t matter, and that as long as he was friendly, people would eventually come around. I listed successful individuals who had not been hindered by their abnormalities. And finally, I told him he would always be my favorite camper, regardless of whether he had two, five, or a hundred toes.
On the last day of camp, I was jubilant—James was starting to fit in. Although the teasing had not completely disappeared, James was speaking up and making friends. And when, as we were saying our good-byes, James gave me one last hug and proclaimed that I was his “bestest friend in the whole wide world,” my heart swelled up. From my campers, I learned that working with children is simply awesome. And from James, I learned that a little love truly goes a long way.
在這篇文書中，Charles Wong講述自己看到他人被排擠的常見事件，并解釋了他如何與之抗?fàn)帯Ｔ诿枋鲎约鹤鰻I(yíng)地輔導(dǎo)員的經(jīng)歷中，Charles不僅表達(dá)了對(duì)他人的深切關(guān)心，還展示了自己解決問(wèn)題的思維過(guò)程。他不只是向讀者講述這些個(gè)人特征，而是通過(guò)事例來(lái)展示。有針對(duì)性地“展示”而不是“講述”，這是一項(xiàng)絕佳的寫作策略。
首先，Charles從他對(duì)具體場(chǎng)景的描述作為文章的開頭，語(yǔ)氣隨意而直接。他在事例中了包含重要的細(xì)節(jié)，但文字并不冗余，整篇文書簡(jiǎn)潔易懂。雖然這種方法似乎不夠成熟，但它反映了Charles原始、真實(shí)的想法。讀者能感受到他的關(guān)心；Charles的文書帶領(lǐng)我們走進(jìn)他真正的困境。此外，他描述的善舉——鼓舞人心的談話、擁抱——都讓我們深入了解他的性格。這些在文書中展現(xiàn)出的細(xì)節(jié)，描繪了Charles善良而聰明的形象，而這兩點(diǎn)在任何大學(xué)校園里都是很重要的。
此外，Charles不僅分享了他如何解決這個(gè)問(wèn)題，并將其擴(kuò)展到日常生活中。他從看似平凡的經(jīng)歷中領(lǐng)悟了意義，并解釋了這段經(jīng)歷如何改變了他的整個(gè)心態(tài)。這種有意識(shí)地成長(zhǎng)的能力，表明Charles擁有從生活中學(xué)習(xí)的動(dòng)力，而不是只會(huì)讀書的學(xué)生。
下期，智友留學(xué)將為大家分享剩余五篇優(yōu)秀文書，敬請(qǐng)期待！
https://www.thecrimson.com/topic/sponsored-successful-harvard-essays-2022/
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